Awhile More - A Raw Soul Poem

Photo by Des Récits on Unsplash

This poem includes suicide and loss. I have found on my journey following the suicide of my son, Kevin, that being able to express the thoughts and feelings of my inner world creatively, no matter how dark and painful, helps me continue to live today, present in this moment now. Creativity gives my inner world a place to process my lived experience, to make meaning of it. The meaning I come to, fuels my life now.

Awhile More

I have become old

My child

Gravity withered

Tired

I am wise now

Like owl

And awake in the night

Alert

I see into her eyes

Death now

And stare and blink

Alive still

I am awhile more

Breathing

Fire and steam

Furious

Still, I am furious

Like dragon

That you called her

Early

Bleeding out fast

The bullet

Taking your suffering

To her

While I your mother

blood stained

see beyond the veil

your eyes

And live doing over

The day

That I chose to follow

Tough love

I chose

Not to go to you

To hold your pain

awhile

I carry your imprint

My radiant child

Before death stole

You

From this life

That was rightfully yours

To bring your creative joy to

To morph the world

To love, to dream, to smile….

And to see

My smile reflect yours

And my love never

Grow tough