Awhile More - A Raw Soul Poem

Photo by Des Récits on Unsplash

This poem includes suicide and loss. I have found on my journey following the suicide of my son, Kevin, that being able to express the thoughts and feelings of my inner world creatively, no matter how dark and painful, helps me continue to live today, present in this moment now. Creativity gives my inner world a place to process my lived experience, to make meaning of it. The meaning I come to, fuels my life now.

Awhile More

I have become old

My child

Gravity withered

Tired

I am wise now

Like owl

And awake in the night

Alert

I see into her eyes

Death now

And stare and blink

Alive still

Awhile more, I am

Breathing

Fire and steam

Blowing

I am furious

Like dragon

That you called Death

Early

The bullet flew

never found

You and your suffering

bled out

While I your mother,

blood stained,

see beyond the veil

your eyes

And bow my head

knowing

Tough love untethered

you

I chose

Not to go to you

and hold your pain

awhile

I carry your imprint

My radiant child

Before death stole

You

From this life

That was rightfully yours

To bring your creative joy to

To morph the world

To love, to dream, to smile….

And to see

My smile reflect yours

And my love never

Grow tough